My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
