That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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