8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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