Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
there was a trapeze. enough said
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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