Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
