I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
