2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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