the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
