I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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