where am i from again
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
accomplished twins. life is a go
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
