just come out here and I will go home with you...
operation have a gay friend backfired
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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