...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
