Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
