I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
