it hurts more in the daytime
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize