Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
