Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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