my room smells like sperm. sweet.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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