Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
