I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
