I skipped work to stalk him.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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