I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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