She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
