Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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