That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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