I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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