dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
