Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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