im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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