Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
