who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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