I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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