Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
