I like my sex mixed with concussions.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is Oprah even human
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