so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
