Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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