Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
