Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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