I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
