I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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