smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
