**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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