i would punch a child for taco bell
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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