How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
