definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
