who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
