I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
