im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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