i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
