No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
