Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
