Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
