Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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