ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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