More tranny stories later!
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
