Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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