Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
