We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
