She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
