you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
