Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
