Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
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Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
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I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize