omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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