It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
