I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My penis needs a shock collar
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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