I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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