I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
