just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
