Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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